“When is enough truly enough?” I often find myself pondering this, contemplating the depths of contentment and our constant pursuit of more. What propels us into believing our efforts are insufficient, even when we’re stretched to our limits? While some of us struggle with the burden of excess, others manage their burgeoning plates with a seemingly effortless grace.
I dream of taking a break. How liberating it would be to wake up and think “Today, there’s nothing that demands my attention”. I wonder about people like Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Warren Buffet. Do they ever have moments where they feel everything’s under control? Or are their lives perpetually stuck on the treadmill of endless momentum?
Control. I find it difficult to handle things not under my control. It’s a bit of a battle. Recently, I expressed to my therapist my need for everything to be organised, sequential, and flowing smoothly. She reminded me that in reality, that’s once again beyond MY CONTROL. The illusion of complete control is just that—an illusion…Intellectually, I recognise this, but do I accept this? Internalising it is another battle altogether. I find that this creeps into my relationships, my mental health, etc. Whenever I loose control, things spiral, I spiral. Could there be an intrinsic connection between the urge to achieve and the desire for control? Perhaps high achievers like myself are wired to seek control, seeing it as the catalyst for progress, focus, and accomplishment. Does this label me a “high achiever”?
It’s a good thing and a bad thing this personality of mine. Ambition, as I’ve come to realise, can become the grand enemy of all peace. While it fuels our desire to achieve and pushes us to our limits, it has the ability to robs us of the tranquility we yearn for. Yet, everything calls for its unique balance, a balance I’m on a quest to discover. While the scales of equilibrium differ for each person, my journey is about finding what resonates with my soul.